i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
