I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
