do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
