The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
