I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
