Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
