I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize