He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
