I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
