so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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