it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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