..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
