Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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