I need help removing her.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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