Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
