Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
