She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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