Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
