Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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