I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is my gift to your gina
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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