I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
