He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
