I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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