You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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