just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
