I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
