please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
