based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
