I think I am morally bankrupt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
