You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
