And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
