Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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