This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im holly from the hills drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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