His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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