why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
