I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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