you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
