After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
