WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
