Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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