I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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