Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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