I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
