Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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