ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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