Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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