forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
