I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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