i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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