stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
