lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
