so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
