Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
