remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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