Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
