it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
