So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
