My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize