have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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