After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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