Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
