Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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