Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
