I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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