I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
