im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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