she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
